Inside Secrets of Happy Moms
Do you ever feel overwhelmed and too pooped to parent?
by Pam Vredevelt
Jul 14, 2017
Do you ever feel overloaded, overwhelmed, and too pooped to parent? Are you struggling to find balance, wondering how to become a happier mom?
I’ve got a secret...
You are NOT alone!
My hunch is, you’re a hard-working, generous mom-to-be, the mom of a newborn, or maybe even a mom who is a little further down the road with little ones:
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- You’re the thoughtful woman who is willing to give up your piece of dessert when there isn’t enough to go around.
- When friends need a favor, you sacrificially jump through hoops to help.
- As far back as you can remember your schedule has been full of meaningful events and important responsibilities.
- When it comes to making dreams come true, you invest your time and resources in assisting others, sometimes at the expense of your own longings.
- You may say Yes when you really want to say No.
Spoonful by spoonful you freely give away the oil that lights your lamp. Then one day, much to your astonishment, whoosh, your flame suddenly blinks out. Alone in dark funk you wonder, “How did I end up here?”
Been there. Done that.
And I want better for you.
Somewhere along the way I became a firm believer that every mom needs a mentor. I’m forever grateful for the older women who shared their wisdom with me through the years.
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They taught me life-changing truths that brought balance when I was a new mom. Their tips had little to do with managing the externals; they were more about internal shifts in perspective, ways to view the world that side-stepped compassion fatigue and protected me from flaming out.
They’re worth your time and attention. Grab ‘em and own ‘em. They’ll empower you to shine brightly while pursuing your passions.
Inside Secrets of Happy Moms
STOP PEOPLE-PLEASING
Why do we do it? Why do we allow the disease to please to drive us? Perhaps it goes back to that basic primitive instinct to avoid pain and pursue pleasure. We enjoy the feel-good sensations that come with positive affirmations and atta-girls, and don’t like to feel fear, rejection, and disapproval.
If you find yourself feeling overworked, under-appreciated, or discouraged as a mom (FYI- every parent does now and then) take a moment to pause, look inside, and take inventory. Here are some simple questions to get you started:
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What drives me to say ‘yes’ when I really want to say ‘no?’
Am I afraid of upsetting someone? Of rejection? Of people pulling away from me? Fear-based decisions rarely lead to a satisfying balanced life.
Is helping really helping?
Am I helping someone simply because it’s what I’ve always done? Am I on autopilot trying to keep peace by living up to the expectations of others, or am I making thoughtful intentional choices that I know are best for me and my family?
Am I robbing my friend or my children of chances to grow by doing things for them that they could be doing for themselves? Sometimes what we think is helpful may actually hinder others from developing their potential.
If you tend to people-please, it might be time to tap into courage and practice saying "No".
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Speaking of...
“No.” is a complete sentence.
Saying "Yes" to your kids may mean tolerating the distress of disappointing others when you say "No" to invitations. It’s OK. Do it anyway. Saying "Yes" to your own priorities and values may mean rocking the boat when you say "No" to someone else’s. I’s OK. Do it anyway. Way too much good energy is lost when you live out of sync with yourself. It’s better to be congruent inside and out.
I invite you to join me and hundreds of other moms in a thirty day challenge. What’s the goal? To become a more balanced happy mom by shifting away from people-pleasing.
Your needs are just as important as everyone else’s needs.
I challenge you to stop hurting yourself with unreasonable demands. To honor your inherent worth. To drop the people-pleasing that drives you to exhaustion.
Instead, give yourself permission to pause and count the cost. Will saying "Yes" to a certain something mean saying "No" to my legitimate needs and the needs of my family? Is it worth it? Why or why not?
So, what do you think? Will you accept my challenge? How will you begin? What one step will you take today? Just one. And then another, towards balance and being a happy mom. I’d love to hear from you! Share your thoughts below so that we can learn from one another and celebrate our small wins together.
Pam Vredevelt
Pam Vredevelt is a Professional Counselor and Coach, Best-selling author of Empty Arms, and the Empty Arms Journal. Jessie Vredevelt Schultz is a business consultant and transformation coach. They co-lead Healing Your Empty Arms: A transformation experience after the loss of your baby or child, for emotional healing, personal growth, and spiritual renewal.
